By the spring of 1970, America was choking on its own hypocrisy — the war was still raging, Nixon was still lying, and SCREW was still the only paper in the country willing to talk about gym shorts, blowjobs, and how to properly store a fart.

Yes, this was Issue No. 59, a classic Goldstein-era clusterfuck of horniness, satire, and pure vulgarity masquerading as social commentary — or maybe it was the other way around. Either way, it worked.

🔥 Inside This Glorious Mess:

“Marriage in the ’70s: The Ozzie and Harriet of the Underground”
by Dan and Holly Mouer — A two-person tag team on the dumpster fire that is domestic bliss. Think of it as Better Homes & Gardens meets open marriage meets open bar.

“10 Ways to Put Off Pricks Politely!”
by Nori Amsel — For the woman sick of pushy men and for the man smart enough to know when he’s the punchline. A guidebook in wit, weaponized.

“One Small Sniff for a Man, One Giant Lich for Great Ray!”
by Great Ray — Is it about drugs? Is it about space? Is it about necrophilia? We’re not entirely sure, but Ray had a nose for trouble and a typewriter that smelled like sweat and reefer.

“The Sex Scene”
by Dan Mouer — Field reporting from the sticky walls of America’s sexual underground. Mouer always wrote like a man who saw too much and loved it all anyway.

💩 Highlights You’ll Never See in The New Yorker:

• “How to Preserve a Frozen Fart” by Hank Orlecchina — A scientific treatise for the ages. Hank may have missed his calling as the Dr. Fauci of flatulence.
• “The Jockstrap and What Your Gym Coach Never Told You” by Dean Latimer — Let’s just say there’s a reason the showers were mandatory, and it wasn’t hygiene.
• “Pussy Pulls Out” by Mary Phillips — The title alone deserves a Pulitzer. Mary wrote like a dominatrix with a typewriter and a grudge against sincerity.
• “Homosexual Citizen: It’s a Big, Big World But I’m Just a Little Guy” by Lige and Jack — A queer voice before queer was marketable. Raw, funny, painfully honest.

📚 Also in This Issue:

• “Fuck Books” by Michael Perkins – The pornographic book review column that did for smut what Pauline Kael did for film.
• “Dirty Diversions” by Al Goldstein – Al at his crankiest, ranting about everything from sex tapes to Staten Island.
• “Naked City” by Bob Amsel – A love letter to New York’s perversions.
• “Shit List” by Goldstein – The original cancel culture, only funnier and smellier.

This issue is what happens when you hand the keys of cultural criticism to the perverts, the poets, and the pissed-off weirdos — and let them drive straight into the gutter. SCREW wasn’t trying to be highbrow. It was trying to be truthful, and in 1970, the truth was obscene.

Next time someone says America’s gone soft, show them Issue #59. It’s loud. It’s proud. And it knows exactly how to handle a frozen fart.

—P.

Phil Italiano

Publisher, Visionary, Provocateur

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