Muff-Munching Tactics of the Pussy-Eating Pros.
Eight out of ten women require oral stimulation of their clitoris in order to achieve an orgasm. In other words, most women want you to eat them out. Here’s how to do it like a pro…
News Feed
Leave the Cart, Take the Cannoli.
Grocery stores have saved thousands by brainwashing you into thinking you’re doing the right thing by returning your shopping cart…
The $50 Million Dollar SCREW Cover
That time Pillsbury Co. sued SCREW Magazine for $50 Million for torturing Poppin’ Fresh …and Lost.
And The ‘Loser Of The Year’ Is…
Unlike Time’s “Person Of The Year,” which is about who the most influential person of the year was (or in this year’s case, most influential people – i.e., President-Elect Joe Biden and Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris), SCREW’s “Loser Of The Year” is about one thing: LOSING.
The Ancient Chinese Secrets of ‘The Art of Whore’
For 2,500 years this sacred text lay hidden, petrified in jizz, in the suckatorium of a shitty whorehouse in Shanghai – and now for the first time ever, SCREW has translated it to English…
Best Big-Boob Blogs to Beat Your Meat To.
Part of our job here at SCREW is to do the work for you. We scour the web in search of great porn to beat-off to so you can spend more time noodling and less time Googling, more time diddling your ding-a-ling and less time typing in Bing, more time drilling for goo and less time searching Yahoo.
How to Fuck Al Capone Out of a Million Bucks and Live to Tell About It.
Al Capone once said, “You get much further with kind words and a gun than you do with kind words alone.” Some other guy once said, “Luck […]
The Rule of Seven: Concentrating Your Efforts to Fuel Your Success.
Not everything I write in SCREW is gonna be about tits and ass and pussy. Every once in a while I’m gonna throw you something […]
Panhandlers Switching to Square
I just can’t go anywhere any more without someone hitting me up for money. Whether it’s walking across the grocery store parking lot, pumping gas […]
The COVID-19 Fuck-Up: How America’s Doctors Failed Us.
I believe COVID-19 was infecting Americans long before it was given a name. I can’t prove it but experts can’t prove otherwise, either. It’s not […]
“The Fuckin’ Night Before Christmas” (Audio)
Listen as SCREW publisher Phil Autelitano defiles the timeless Christmas classic, “The Night Before Christmas,” with his own version, “The Fuckin’ Night Before Christmas.” WARNING: […]
Doubling Up.
The older I get the less time I have on this Earth and the more valuable my time becomes. When I was in my twenties, […]
The Fetishistic Imagery of Petra Brnardic
The most visible and tangible element in Petra Brnardic’s work is her eternal obsession with sex, death, fetish and taboo. In response to my previous […]
Sirius XM Offers Free Anal Sex with Subscription
That time the Sirius XM call center manager told me to FUCK HER ASS… I was driving a moving truck from Florida to NY and […]
The New Porn Renaissance…
There are many reasons why the 70s and 80s were known as the “Golden Age of Porn,” but for me, there’s one big OBVIOUS reason: […]