SCREW YOU! #2,827

I’m at a loss for words this week. The 2023 AVN Awards in Las Vegas this past weekend left me speechless. All those beautiful women, all that hot Tits ‘N Ass (and pussy) in one place — I hate the fact I couldn’t make it out there this year. I could have been banging some sweet pussy, but instead I spent the weekend banging these stupid keys. Not that I’d be tapping any of that hot porn star ass — those girls don’t want anything to do with this old dork — but there’s always plenty of wannabe low-hanging fruit to get my dick into. (And if nothing else, there’s always the abundance of available whores Vegas has to offer.) Oh well, there’s always next year…

I did get to spend some time over the weekend and the past few days testing out some stokers though. Perhaps I’m partial to Kenzie Reeve’s beautiful, puffy pussy so that’s why I liked her “Cream Puff” Fleshlight the best. That’s not to say the others weren’t great. If they made my list, they were definitely worth the money.

“Stroker” — that’s the official word for a “male masturbator” which is the more formal term for a pocket pussy. Of course not all pocket pussies are pussies, some are assholes — which I like to call “pocket poopers” — a term that hasn’t really caught on yet with the retail adult toy industry. Oh well, there’s always next year…

Anyway, back to the AVN Awards, I was excited to see Kira Noir win Female Performer of the Year. I’m a big fan. Seth Gamble took home the award for Male Performer of the Year, which is no surprise to me, just about everything he does turns to gold. Tommy Pistol and Ashley Lane’s performance in The Bargain grabbed the award (and rightfully so) for Most Outrageous Sex Scene. If you saw it, it’s quite obvious why. (If you haven’t seen it yet, click here to watch it on The biggest AVN Award winner was Grinders, the 90s skater-flick-porn from Ricky Greenwood and Adult Time starring rookie Lucky Fate (who also won Best Male Newcomer), Maya Woulfe, Tommy Pistol and a handful of other great stars. It won the biggie — Grand Reel — along with Best Soundtrack, Best Editing and Best Supporting Actor (Tommy Pistol).

In closing I just want to say congratulations to all of the beautiful AVN Award winners (male, female and everything in-between). All well-deserved. And let’s not forget about all the nominees, too. Just being nominated is a win, as well. In my book, anyway. But if you really, really must take home that trophy — oh well, there’s always next year…


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About Phil Italiano 114 Articles
Phil Italiano is the Publisher of SCREW. You can reach him anytime via email at

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