SCREW YOU! #2,821

Happy Cyber Monday!

Before there was “sext” and “sexting” there was “cyber” and “cybering,” so every time I hear “Cyber Monday” I hear it tongue-in-cheek. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one left who remembers those days. Ah, the good ol’ days, the days of AOL chatrooms and the “Swoon-O-Matic,” — the Tinder of the 90s — when the Internet was reserved only for those who could afford a computer and a connection and were smart enough to use it. It was a time when hooking up online often netted you someone smart and good-looking, and you, yourself, only needed to have a pulse, know how to spell, and not look like you stuck your head in cheese dip to do it. It was a time when, despite all the hullabaloo about “them internets” only being good for porn, for those of us who used it for more, it still had the ambiance and class of a cool coffeehouse — it paired perfectly with the high-dollar Starbucks coffee of the day, versus Waffle House at 3AM, today.

We Must Be Cautious…

Now it’s more like the Mos Eisley spaceport in Star Wars — “a wretched hive of scum and villainy.” Everyone is out for a buck. Or fame. Or both. It’s Sodom and Gomorra. It’s more Babylon than the Babylon 5 we had hoped it would be. But that’s not to say there isn’t hope. Even back then the internet had it’s dark sides. And no, I’m not talking about porn. Porn is actually the front-side (the full-frontal side) of the internet. Just about everything you see around you online today has its roots in internet porn of the 90s. From social media, which started with bulletin board systems (BBS) in the 80s, to memes and GIFs to online payment processing to file sharing and video streaming, it all has porn to thank in one way or another. One could argue (and I do it all the time) that most of the major technological advancements in human history, all the way back to the wheel and money, started with someone driven by sex …and not money.

There’s a reason sex work is called the oldest profession in the world: it’s what money was invented for. And there’s a reason the first gold money was called a “talent” — because it’s value was set by the sexual talents you could receive in exchange for it. I might have made that up, but I’m sure the history books would purposely overlook that obvious origin of the word “talent” as defined today.

A New Hope

Anyway, back to the internet… I’m not one of those older guys who sits around harping on the good ol’ days and how everything was so much better then than now. On the contrary, I believe that here and now is the greatest time in human history to be alive, even if it was easier to get laid back then, and even if it is more Waffle House at 3AM today than cool, 90s coffeehouse. I believe the best is still yet to come. I believe that somewhere in the world there’s a kid sitting at a computer in his bedroom pounding out the next big thing — the next AOL. the next Facebook, Tinder, Twitter, Instagram or Snapchat, the next-level visual shit that will redefine the way we live, love, and fuck (again). And whatever it is, it’s going to make him gobs of dough and get him laid more than he ever imagined.

Hopefully, it gets the rest of us laid, too.


About Phil Italiano 114 Articles
Phil Italiano is the Publisher of SCREW. You can reach him anytime via email at

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